HOST: Penn & Teller, the comic magicians, were in the Bahamas shooting an underwater magic show. While Teller was waiting for a shot he had an unexpected encounter:

TELLER:

I’m 25 feet underwater, standing on the floor of a lagoon on a tiny tropical island. I’m wearing a dive mask, a SCUBA tank, and lead weights over my designer business suit and polished dress shoes. I’m waiting for the cameraman.

The water is warm and a little cloudy, like summer fog. A fossil on the sea floor comes to life: it’s a sting-ray peeling itself off the sand. Oblivious, it glides past my face and vanishes like a ghost.

Suddenly a dolphin rockets by me, almost knocking me over. It’s huge -- the size of a torpedo. Before I can catch my breath, it’s gone.

I turn and find myself looking straight into the face of the dolphin, now hovering, horizontal, dead still, nose to nose with me. Forget Flipper. This is an alien life form. A huge hunk of ice-colored muscle.

The dolphin’s mouth curves, in a calm, eerie smile. The dolphin is happy to see me! No. That’s not a smile. It’s just the way its jaw is shaped. That hard, sharp beak is strong enough to snip off my head.

I am not in my element. I am the guest. My host is floating in front of my face. What is the polite thing to do? What is the etiquette for meeting a dolphin?

Look it forthrightly in the eye? That’s impossible. The dolphin’s eyes are so far around on the sides of the head, there’s nothing to stare straight into. I try waving, in a “Hi, howaya?” kind of way. Um,no. I try humming, [hum “Girl from Ipanema”] No. The dolphin is still and silent as an iceberg.

Finally, I reach out and pat its side. My warm hand taps cool leather, taut as a drumhead. Still, the dolphin remains unmoved, its cartoon smile fixed.

Suddenly I like this moment very much. It’s uncomfortable and honest. I’m not pretending to understand the dolphin – as humans claim to do with pets and other humans. I’m just sharing the same sea, and trying to be polite. There’s no empathy – just etiquette. And that’s enough for me.

HOST: Teller is the shorter, quieter half of Penn & Teller. Their television special, “Penn & Teller Off the Deep End” will be broadcast on NBC next Sunday night at 7 p.m.

Teller

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