In the MoFo TightCircle they
sometimes discuss my choosing of audience volunteers. The
opinion has been expressed that I can pick blond, or busty,
but not blond AND busty. That, in the past, has been some
trouble. Well, last night, here at the MGM, it was time for
Magic Bullet. I asked for someone that knew guns and a
woman in the front row was very enthusiastic. She was
waving her arms and "wooo ooooo." I could see that she was
blond and busty. She just was. Well, I thought, it's
always nice to have a woman on stage for this trick.
"How do you know guns?"
"Air Force wooo woooo."
"Are you in the Air Force now?"
"Yeah! Wooo wooooo."
The other person for the trick was Air Force too. Well, I
knew that this woman was a little nutty, but she's Air Force
- she's in the armed services, how bad can she be.
She got up on stage, barely. Her name was Victoria, and she
had a little Tweety Bird tattoo peaking out the top of her
cleavage. She had very big hair. She had a set of lungs
and she'd yell all the time - "Woooo oooooo." We all know
that "wooo ooooo." Well, I was playing off her pretty well
and I was having fun. Instead of getting louder and
rushing, I slowed way down and got quiet and really took the
audience in. I didn't really roll my eyes; I more just talk
to them and to her. I also talked to Teller. I'm really
liking this lately. I like it when I talk to Teller in a
very normal voice with a very natural vocabulary. I think I
would like it if I were in the crowd. Teller talks back to
me the same way and the only difference is that I'm miked.
I'm not doing this in order, but during Victoria, I looked
over at Teller and said, "They always seem to be stage right
don't they?" He said yes. I paused for a really long time
and said, "Correlation is not causation." I just loved
using that as a punchline.
She didn't write anything on the tip of the bullet, she just
scribbled. Now, I only scribble, so I can't really complain
about this, so I won't. But, I'll complain soon about
something I can complain about. She kept with the "woooo
ooooo." Everything brought it out, any mention of the Air
Force, or her boyfriend (poor guy), or anything. She was
also, I think, a bit drunk and falling over. So, I had to
hold her up, keep the show going, and make sure that my
hands were seen so it wouldn't ruin the trick.
She also kept grabbing at me. She would hug me and grab me
and grab for the gun. When I gave her the gun to examine,
she handled it like a cabbage. I don't really know how she
handled it, but not like a gun. She pointed at me, and the
audience. She had NO idea what to look for. She kept
yelling, "We fire 9's. 9 millimeters. Woooo ooooo. I
don't know anything about these."
I got the gun back from her and somehow we got the bullet
into the gun. I got her offstage where she continued to
dance and "wooo oooo." I stood on stage with the loaded gun
and said, as she "woooo"d - "You know, I could just put this
gun in my mouth right now and it would be all over." I
looked at Teller and said, "This whole theater could smell
like teen spirit." I was proud of that line.
Well, when she came back up on stage, and after she dropped
the bullet a few times trying to catch it, I asked her if it
was her bullet, she said, "How would I know? I can't tell"
Yup, she had no idea. She didn't even think it was
important. Teller leaned over and talked to her quietly and
told her to look at the markings. She said very quietly to
Teller that it was the bullet.
I said, "Yeah, just tell Teller privately, the audience
doesn't care. If Teller knows he's done his job well, in
his heart, he doesn't' need the praise from the audience.
He's very self-actualized."
Fortunately the other Air Force person, Steven, was perfect,
and he filled in the gaps. She also dropped the shell and
didn't know if it was her drawing of her "boyfriend" on the
side. When I brought the broken glass out I said, "I
usually say `without hurting yourself', but that's not
important tonight - just check to see if that glass is
broken and feel free to use your face."
"Wooooo oooooo." She couldn't even shake hands and get off
stage right. But, the audience loved it and Teller and I
aren't even bothered by these things any more.
And that, dear friends, tells you everything you need to
know.
