We played Amherst MA, so I was close to my hometown. My Sister invited me over to celebrate all the holidays I've missed. They were going to have a big turkey and lots of visiting. Man, it was great.

My Sister, my brother-in-law, one nephew and his fiancé, and the other nephew and his wife and child where there. My oldest nephew (who is only 7 years younger than I am), Denny, has an 8 year old son named Jeremiah. I really like Jeremiah (not named biblically, but rather after the Robert Redford movie), we have fun together. He's almost 9 and he's almost 5 feet tall. He's a big kid. Huge.

I got to my Sister's house at lunchtime, and Denny had sent over some venison steaks, from the deer he shot, and my Sister cooked them up for me. Delicious. Jeremiah and I were playing these goofy computer games, where we went big game hunting and explored the Amazon and stuff he's very outdoorsy on my Sister's Imac. So, Jeremiah started complaining about his watch. Jeremiah has been quoted as saying, "I'm like my uncle, I'm a liar." He's a wise kid, he also said about the difference between his Father's job and my job, "If you're not funny, you have to work."

So, he was complaining about his watch. It was an analog watch from the local discount department show. He said it was running, but the date was off that morning by 5 days.

"Do you expect me to believe that, Jeremiah?"

"I guess not." He tried that the band gave him "rug burn." I asked about the emergency room visit for this. He just got in his head that he hated his watch and wanted it to break so he could get a new one. My Sister said he hadn't had it that long. He certainly didn't need a new watch. I whispered to my Sister and asked her if I could break his watch and buy him a new one. She said I couldn't ask her that. I couldn't get her in trouble with the family.

So, I told Jeremiah to put his shoes on, we were going out. He got dressed in that South Park Kenny way that kids dress to go out to the car. We got in the Rental car and drove to the discount department store. I parked away from the other cars, and got out and left the car running. Jeremiah was puzzled. I took his watch and put it under the wheel of the rental car and jumped back into the drivers seat. He watched as I drove over the watch.

Jeremiah changed size. He used to hate the watch, now, in true Yankee tradition, he was cheering for the underdog. He was thrilled that the watch was scratched but still running. He was dancing around and laughing.

I took the watch back from him. This time I wedged it on it's edge under the tire and pulled forward. This broke it. Man, really broke it. Jeremiah threw some of the pieces away, and saved some (in proper kid fashion).

"Oh, Jeremiah, I'm sorry I broke your watch. It was my fault, I guess I'll have to buy you a new one."

We went in and picked out a watch. He wanted a metal bracelet like mine. The woman behind the counter said that the men's watch bands could be adjusted for his wrist. I said, I didn't believe that, we'd find a way. Jeremiah said, "Yeah, he's Penn of Penn & Teller" We picked out a watch a brought it home. I said to him, "Now, you know, we can't tell anyone about this. I just dropped your watch and it broke, okay?" He was confused; "You drove the car over it."

"Right, but we have to just say that I broke it, okay?"

"Okay."

We got back to the house and I said to my Sister, "I dropped Jeremiah's watch and it broke." He added, "Yeah, you know how if you have a car and you stop it sometimes it rolls forward by accident." The kid has a thing or two to learn about lying.

Now, it was time to adjust the watchband. I borrowed some tools from my brother-in-law and Denny, Jeremiah, and I worked on adjusting the band. I actually touching tools and doing something. Denny was astounded. He kept saying, "Penn is using tools," like he was studying a bonobo with emergent behavior. When I finally got the band adjusted, Denny said, "So, you're learning to use tools. Are you afraid you're getting less funny?"

So, Denny had the funniest line of the day. Just perfect. And it was about not being funny. And I'm reading about Godel. Explain that, Randi.

The whole family had a great turkey dinner and then I taught the family a cool card trick and Jeremiah beat me in this weird 4-way Tic Tac Toe thing. I played hard and lost. I thought I was supposed to have to let him win. Oh well.

You know how cars kind of roll forward after you stop them?

Penn

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