We played Amherst MA, so I was close to my
hometown. My Sister invited me over to celebrate all the
holidays I've missed. They were going to have a big turkey and lots of
visiting. Man, it was great.
My Sister, my brother-in-law, one nephew and his fiancé, and
the other nephew and his wife and child where there. My oldest nephew
(who is only 7 years younger than I am), Denny, has an 8 year old son named
Jeremiah. I really like Jeremiah (not named biblically, but rather after
the Robert Redford movie), we have fun together. He's almost 9 and
he's almost 5 feet tall. He's a big kid. Huge.
I got to my Sister's house at lunchtime, and Denny had sent
over some venison steaks, from the deer he shot, and my Sister cooked
them up for me. Delicious. Jeremiah and I were playing these goofy
where we went big game hunting and explored the Amazon and
stuff he's very
outdoorsy on my Sister's Imac. So, Jeremiah started
complaining about his watch. Jeremiah has been quoted as saying, "I'm like my
uncle, I'm a liar." He's a wise kid, he also said about the difference
Father's job and my job, "If you're not funny, you have to
So, he was complaining about his watch. It was an analog
watch from the local discount department show. He said it was running, but
the date was
off that morning by 5 days.
"Do you expect me to believe that, Jeremiah?"
"I guess not."
He tried that the band gave him "rug burn." I asked about
the emergency room visit for this. He just got in his head that he hated
his watch and wanted it to break so he could get a new one. My Sister
said he hadn't had it that long. He certainly didn't need a new watch. I
whispered to my Sister and asked her if I could break his watch and buy him
a new one. She
said I couldn't ask her that. I couldn't get her in trouble
with the family.
So, I told Jeremiah to put his shoes on, we were going out.
He got dressed in that South Park Kenny way that kids dress to go out to
the car. We got
in the Rental car and drove to the discount department
store. I parked away from the other cars, and got out and left the car
was puzzled. I took his watch and put it under the wheel of
the rental car
and jumped back into the drivers seat. He watched as I
drove over the watch.
Jeremiah changed size. He used to hate the watch, now, in
true Yankee tradition, he was cheering for the underdog. He was
thrilled that the
watch was scratched but still running. He was dancing
around and laughing.
I took the watch back from him. This time I wedged it on
it's edge under
the tire and pulled forward. This broke it. Man, really
it. Jeremiah threw some of the pieces away, and saved some
(in proper kid fashion).
"Oh, Jeremiah, I'm sorry I broke your watch. It was my
fault, I guess I'll
have to buy you a new one."
We went in and picked out a watch. He wanted a metal
bracelet like mine. The woman behind the counter said that the men's
watch bands could be adjusted for his wrist. I said, I didn't believe that,
we'd find a way. Jeremiah said, "Yeah, he's Penn of Penn & Teller" We
picked out a watch a brought it home. I said to him, "Now, you know, we
anyone about this. I just dropped your watch and it broke,
okay?" He was
confused; "You drove the car over it."
"Right, but we have to just say that I broke it, okay?"
We got back to the house and I said to my Sister, "I
watch and it broke." He added, "Yeah, you know how if you
have a car and
you stop it sometimes it rolls forward by accident." The
kid has a thing
or two to learn about lying.
Now, it was time to adjust the watchband. I borrowed some
tools from my brother-in-law and Denny, Jeremiah, and I worked on
adjusting the band. I actually touching tools and doing something. Denny was
kept saying, "Penn is using tools," like he was studying a
emergent behavior. When I finally got the band adjusted,
Denny said, "So,
you're learning to use tools. Are you afraid you're getting
So, Denny had the funniest line of the day. Just perfect.
And it was
about not being funny. And I'm reading about Godel.
Explain that, Randi.
The whole family had a great turkey dinner and then I taught
the family a
cool card trick and Jeremiah beat me in this weird 4-way Tic
thing. I played hard and lost. I thought I was supposed to
have to let
him win. Oh well.
You know how cars kind of roll forward after you stop them?