Last night in the big SinCity, Jimmy Mac's band, "If You're So Smart!" (I named them) were playing at the Boston Grill and Bar (which seems to be changing it's name to the New York Grill and Bar - don't ask me). Wheels and I ran over after the big P&T show and got there about halfway through the set. When I got there they introduced me and launched into a song I wrote with Jimmy called "It was just a Virus." Man, it went really well. I think it might be a good song. They played it well and Michelle really sang it well (with some words wrong on the bridge, but who cares about words?). Man, she can sing.

After that song, they asked me to come up on stage and do "Sweet Jane." Sure. So, I jumped (or as close to jumping as a middle-aged fat guy can hit) up on stage and asked the bass player if I could use his bass (he had a real 4 string thing that I could play). He said sure, and, this is important, he TURNED DOWN the volume on the bass to hand it to me. I guess that's the polite thing to do, so the bass doesn't make stupid noises.

Well, I decided to rock into "Sweet Jane" without further ado. I counted off a nice tempo and rocked out. I came in on the vocal right away. It seems so strange to me. I was thinking, "Man, there's this big column of bass speakers behind me and I can't hear my bass at all." I figured it must be plugged right into the board or something and Michelle, who's mic I was using doesn't like any bass in the monitor. So, I just trusted everything to be right, and I played like a crazy monkey. I played and sang. I really understood Sweet Jane and I loved the groove that Jimmy and the drummer had. I had my eyes closed a little or I was staring off into space.

I finished the first verse and Jimmy was kind of chasing me around stage. I didn't know what he was doing, but he reached over at me. He hit the volume on the bass and, wow, did it get loud. I was really playing now. You could hear me. You could probably hear me wherever you were, because, while I was rocking out like a tree falling in Helen Keller's forest, the bass player, figuring I wasn't stupid enough to not turn the bass up on the bass, was cranking the amp behind my back and the sound man was cranking it. So, when Jimmy turned it on - I rocked. Of course, that scared me, that big low sound scared me like the first jump in Alien. And I was rocking out. But, then I wasn't rocking out, I was embarrassed and scared. How can I be too stupid to be a rocker? How is that possible? Well, it comes with being the stupidest sober Atheist on the planet.

With the bottom in place, "If You're So Smart! With Penn Jillette) rocked out hard. Man, Jimmy is good. I gave him a really long solo in the vain hope that some of the audience would forget the not turned on bass incident. I'll tell you, I understand Alanis Morrisette a lot more (although not her definition of "Ironic"), she plays a guitar that isn't turned on and it's fun. It's like shooting a gun with blanks, you never miss.

But, the good news, is when Jimmy turned the bass on, we sounded better. We're so happy with "It Was Just a Virus" that I think we're going to record it on Friday (after flying back to NYC the night before to do Letterman). Jimmy and Michelle want me to sing, but I don't get it. It's a very personal introspective song and it's not a duet and she's such a good singer that she doesn't need me (except to hold the lyric sheet) and I'm not good enough to sing backup. But, I'll do what I'm told. If it comes out good, I'll put an MP3 up or something.

Man, how stupid is that? I mean, the bass wasn't on and I was rocking. I'm a fool. Just a stone solid fool. So, Wheeler and I went to strip clubs for a while. I guess I'm smart enough to go to strip clubs, but just barely.

Penn

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