Teller and I have
finally made enough money that we don't have to work NYE.
We do a couple hundred or so shows a year and pretty much
like them all except one. NYE we have to fight with drunks
and many years I've ended the year, just hating my job. So
we took NYE off. The temptation to get drunk for the first
time and go to someone else's show to ruin it was there,
but instead, I just stayed home.
Mike Close and his wife came over to cook dinner for
everyone. They cooked chili and pasta and chicken and it
was great. I LOVE having people come to my house and cook.
I didn't do a thing but sit in the kitchen and make jokes.
Jonesy and his Dad were there and Kelli and Zeke. It was a
good group of people. No alcohol, no real plans, just some
food and friends.
It's a tough time of year for me and this was good. But,
the best was Mac King. Kelli had told Mac King that it was
impossible to drink a gallon of whole milk in a half hour.
Mac didn't believe that. She bet him 75 bucks he couldn't
do it. As we were finishing up dinner, Mac arrived with a
gallon jug of milk and a video camera. He was going to
take Kelli's money and his wife wanted video of it, since
she was home with their daughter.
We finished eating (not Mac) and then went into the kitchen.
Kelli was sure that Mac would be vomiting so she had a
bucket there. Zeke was cameraman. Mike Close got queasy
thinking about it, and headed into the other room. The
rest of us watched. Mac had a nice big glass of milk. And
then another. And then another. And then another. He was
almost half way through he gallon. It had only been about
9 minutes, and Kelli was worried. Then Mac just stopped.
He said it was getting really difficult. He really didn't
want any more milk. He all of a sudden stopped having fun.
Jonesy was telling him to just take 10 minutes off. Zeke
was telling him to just chug the whole thing. Kelli was
dancing and starting to feel a little smug. Andy Jones,
Lisa Close, and I were watching, just a little
uncomfortable. Mike Close was in the other room. Mac said
he wanted to read something to take his mind off the milk.
All of a sudden Mac bolted into the bathroom. He stood
there, reading something (I didn't get the reading thing)
and Zeke was right there with him. All of a sudden, mid-
sentence, he turned and just became a white volcano. Some
of the braver ones among us ran into the bathroom for the
full Jackass experience. Zeke was very close with the
camera. Mac vomited a half-gallon of milk in three
explosions and Zeke captured it all while laughing. Kelli
was dancing. Mike Close was out of the room, and the rest
of us weren't quite sure what we were feeling. Mac wanted
a toothbrush, but other than that he was okay. He felt
pretty great. We all reviewed the video and it was way
Johnny Knoxville. I love that we had NYE with no alcohol,
but we still had vomiting.
We watched the John Edward South Park and then Mac rushed
home to share the video with his wife. We went on my roof
and watched the fireworks synchronized over Vegas. It was
cold, but it looked pretty good.
Glenn wanted to go to Siegfried and Roy's NYE party. The
invitation talked about how "decadent" it was going to be.
Glenn couldn't get in without me, and it didn't really
start until 1am, so I figured with all the milk vomiting
over, I could take Glenn to a party. I don't know what I
expected, but I was there as your humble reporter.
I posed for pictures with S&R and lots of other people in
festive clothing, but that was about it. I ate some prime
rib with my hands (I couldn't find flatware and might as
well be a little decedent) and then we left.
All the milk vomiting was happening at the Slammer.
So, there you go. Happy New Year!
