In my opinion, the man who understands how to do art for the Web best is the unfortunately named, Christian, at Spark.com. He started with "Stinky Meat" where he left meat out in someone else's back yard, and took pictures and reported on the smell every day. It was funny and cool.

Then he did "Stinky Feet" where he walked around a YMCA and then put plastic bags on his feet for weeks. He took pictures and reported on the smell and the itch. It was amazing. The drama unfolding in real time as his Mom begged him to stop the project and wash his feet. It's very Tom Green, very funny, very wonderful. And he does it for "Science." He really makes me laugh, and I go to his website every day. It's very pure, and wonderful, and it wouldn't really work in the newspaper, or on TV. These are Web ideas. The lack of editing helps, the hyperlinks help, the real time helps.

Well, the beginning of this month, he started the "Fat Project." He moved two sexy young people to Boston and challenged them to gain 30 pounds in 30 days. He would coach them, feed them, weigh them, photograph them in their underwear (no reporting on smell was promised) and if they made it, he'd give them three grand each. A perfect idea. They would be weighed in every day, and photographed. And, he gets to write about their adventures. I won't go into it any more, just go to the Web page http://www.thespark.com/science/fat/ and get yourself up to speed.

I couldn't resist any longer, I had to write a fan letter. I wrote to Nicole, the fat woman, because I'd rather write to women, and it was harder to find Christian's (I hate typing his name) address. It took calls to our theater in Raleigh for her to believe it was me, but she finally turned my address over to Christian, and we started writing. I was going to be in Boston the last week of the project, so why not invite them out to lunch?

I picked Durgin Park, my favorite restaurant in the world. Krasher, Adam, the guy who booked me for this speaking gig that brings me here, and my Jungle Sibling, David Shaw were on my team. Christian brought his partner, Chris, and the Fat Folks. Well, let me tell you, if these people are fat, then I'm . . . well, I guess I'm really fat. Way fat. Big fat. When you see the pictures of Nicole before and after in her underwear, you can really see the weight she's gained, but in person, in her clothes, she's just a sexy young woman. And Eric, the Fat Guy, is just a tall, thin, alternative punk guy. The freakiest thing about them, is that she's from Alabama, and he's from Cincinnati. It's amazing. They've put on over 20 pounds each in a few weeks, and it's nothing.

I arrived with Godiva chocolate truffles for them. Everyone else is sending them Hostess products and cheese food, and I wanted to be classy. Krasher and I were afraid that we would eat more than the fat people, and . . . we did. Kids trying to gain weight for an art project are no match for middle-aged guys trying to pretend they eat sensibly. We creamed them and then ate the cream. It wasn't an eating contest but we won. Krasher and I were trying to take in fewer calories and that was more than their big calories. Krasher said his cholesterol is higher than their combined weight.

Desert was "Indian Pudding" which is some sort of cereal, with molasses, and vanilla ice cream (I guess the Indians invented ice cream). My favorite restaurant and some people doing a really cool thing on the Web, but let me tell you, if Krasher and I needed to put on 30 pounds, we wouldn't need a month, and . . . I don't think we'd really need any incentives. As a matter of fact, we've done that and more. We're real artists.

Penn

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