The Lon Bronson All Star Band was having it's 10 year party/show at the Riv. Lon comes over the Slammer all the time and plays drums for fun (he's a trumpet playing band leader for his real job, he does David Cassidy, the Rat Pack, and this All Star Tower of Power type horn band). He asked me if I'd sing and play at this gig. I'll do anything for Lon, and I said, "sure."

Now, the last time I played with Lon at the Riv, I did "Clothes of the Dead." It was the night of the filthy ventriloquist, "Otto and George" and the night we had festivities at the Slammer that included Sonny Fontana doing his non-USA act that was pretty heavy and bloody. It was a wild night. It was also the night that I sang, "Do I look like Versace in the Clothes of the Dead?" A couple of gentlemen in the audience thought it was gay bashing and approached me after the show. They pushed me in the chest and then complained about me. I was busted and taken into the drunk tank of the Riv. I was held for over an hour and then told I could never come back to the Riv. Later they watched the surveillance tape of me not touching them except when they hit me and the head of the Riv got VERY upset and everyone was apologizing. Well, that was last time.

So, I was back. I had Steven Banks with me and he jumped on stage with me to play rhythm guitar. The place was packed. I mean, more than packed. Way packed. We couldn't sit and we couldn't even get near enough to stand comfortably. The lounge was packed. Steven and I were introduced and we ran to the stage. I started by saying, "David Cassidy is in a booth right back there and Lon's wife Joanne is over there on the side standing up having to stare at Jimmy Mac's ass. If you think there's a god, just remember that." I then told the story of being busted, which I doubt anyone believed.

Then we rocked. You know, it's a good song. I sang it loud and dirty and I played my Rickenbacher like a crazy monkey. I sang hard and swore. The dead I talked about were Tito, Puente, Cardinal O'Conner, Bob Hope, and, just for old times sake Versace. I did my "soul rave up" at the end with "Unzip, baby, these pants of the dead." I was jumping around so much that my hair fell in my face and my glasses fell off. I couldn't see a thing. I kept jumping around and then when we stopped, I stood still, Steven found my glasses and gave them to me while I waited patiently like Stevie Wonder.

It seemed to go well. Lon seemed happy, and I wasn't busted, even though Steven and I had snuck in his 14-year-old son and you have to be 21 to be in the lounge.

Hey, I may not have talent, but I commit. And no one got hurt or arrested.

Penn

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