Goodness gracious. This is from the Washington Post. Also, it looks like the
WSJ is going to reprint the article too:
THE PRIZE: Who wants to be half a millionaire? The Cato
Institute plans to award some lucky thinker $ 500,000.
That's the cash award bestowed on the winner of the newly
created Milton Friedman Prize for the Advancement of
Liberty, to be presented in May and every other year
thereafter. They're accepting nominations now. Well as far
as we're concerned, Cato needs to look no further than Page
64 of the latest issue of its own Regulation magazine to
find the perfect candidate for the first Friedman Prize.
He's Penn Jillette, described in the magazine as the
"louder, bigger half" of the magic and comedy team of Penn &
Teller. He's also a longtime libertarian activist and
"friend of the Cato Institute." In a guest column, Jillette
offers this advice to anyone who want to deliver a
controversial political message on network television:
"Start juggling, monkey-boy." At least that's what it took
for him to win a spot on "Politically Incorrect" with Bill
Maher. "They book me whenever they need a libertarian/
athiest/free speech wackjob (or when Charo cancels at the
last minute.)" Jillette's hilarious rant is, we think,
directed against campaign finance reformers and those
bullies at the Federal Communications Commission who won't
let people buy unlimited time on network television to
promote their political views. Why, he asks, "do I get to
deliver my political spiel for free but the federal
government won't even let you pay to do yours?" It's
because he can tell jokes "and do magic tricks and juggle
broken bottles," thus escaping the notice of the FCC. But
he also admits there's another reason he gets so much air
time. "I speak my mind. TV likes a nut."
Campaign Finance Penn - 7/03/01
This is the article that
is in Regulation and will be in the Wall Street Journal:
THE FINAL WORD
Campaign Finance's Funny Loophole
By Penn Jillette
Want to speak your mind after McCain-Feingold? Learn to
juggle.
Then get a business partner and start a magic show that's
funny.
That's all it took to get me on Politically Incorrect with
Bill Maher. They book me whenever they need a libertarian/
atheist/free speech wackjob (or when Charo cancels at the
last minute and they need someone with big hair). And I
agree to go on so I can pimp my little Penn & Teller show.
That goal is accomplished when Bill says, "Welcome Penn
Jillette of Penn & Teller. Penn & Teller are playing next
week in Wherever-the-hell-we-are-next-week."
Then I speak my mind. TV likes a nut. If I just speak my
mind honestly, I fulfill all my nut obligations.
(I hate to be the one to break this to y'all, but being a
Libertarian, pro-freedom, governs-least-governs-best, free
market advocate makes you as bugnutty in the TV world as
Christopher Walken tangoing with Dennis Hopper while Sinead
O'Connor plays finger cymbals.)
But even I don't say everything that's on my mind what
with the FCC (now run this by me again, how is the FCC
constitutional?) and the usual network "let's-keep-it-
politically-correct-even-though-it's- Politically Incorrect.
". And I have to keep the producer happy by not talking too
crazy or too serious, or being too aggressive, or not
aggressive enough. (Come to think of it, they've never told
me I'm not aggressive enough, but I've heard it happens to
others.)
I also have to keep it funny. The more punch lines I
deliver, the more the producer likes me and the more camera
time I get. So I make jokes as I speak my mind. And I speak
it loudly and clearly. I don't try to be seductive, I just
try to tell the truth as I see it and then wrangle it
around to a punch line. I don't know if I change any minds
when I do that, but I get lent the ear of millions of
countrymen, countrywomen, friends, and maybe even a few
Romans.
I don't know exactly how much Politically Incorrect
broadcast time I've spent trashing Clinton, Gore, Bush, and
Lieberman. (I'm not going to start doing research just
because I'm writing for a magazine that's brimming with
facts, truth and hard work). But I would guess that I get
yap for about six minutes on each episode. That's six
minutes of airtime in exchange for a few on-topic jokes.
Now, what if you wanted to go on network TV and trash some
politician, but you're not a magician/juggler who can make
jokes? Well, ABC would still give you the time they give me
in exchange for $400,000. Yup, six minutes of airtime
during Politically Incorrect, at about 25 grand per 30-
second spot, comes to 216 grand. But, too bad for you,
that's 375 grand more than you're allowed to spend during a
campaign.
So, how come I get to do my political spiel for free but
the federal government won't even allow you to pay to do
yours? Because I can tell jokes and do magic tricks, and
juggle broken bottles and twist myself into a pretzel.
Because of that, I have my (limited) freedom of speech and
I have my soapbox. But you, you loser, chose to do
something different with your life like developing drugs to
relieve suffering, or building computers to solve problems,
or teaching children stuff that society considers less
useful than being able to hide a rabbit on your person and
toss off (get it?) double-entendres with a busty soap opera
ingénue.
Now, I'm not stupid. (After all, I can find a "freely?
"selected? card in a perfectly "ordinary?, "shuffled" deck,
which gives me free political TV time.) I know that all the
campaign finance reform crusaders don't really worry about
individual nuts. They're just trying to stop those pesky
unions and corporations from saying bad things about people
in power. The last thing they want is for groups of workers
or businesses to have something to say about an election or
an issue.
And the campaign finance crusaders are getting plenty of
help from office-holders and the supposedly pro-free-speech
media. The media know all about the value of speaking one's
mind; after all, the media is just people who get paid to
say whatever they want, whenever they want, to huge
audiences. That's what they do. So, campaign finance
reform has a huge upside for anyone in the media, whether
it's the news or the arts. And it has a huge upside for
incumbents that don't have to deal with people getting
together and buying ads to say that the incumbents are
wrong.
They're working together to make sure the revolution will
not be televised.
Now that the campaign finance reformers, media, and
incumbents all agree, what should you do if you want your
voice to be heard? First, quit your job. Now, start
juggling, monkey-boy.
